Matthewisms and Other Grammar Faux Fas of a Nearly Five Year Old Boy.

Five is a pretty cool time for little kids because they don’t mess up words as often. Five is a sad time for parents, though, because our kids don’t mess up words as often. Gabioli’s are just Ravioli now. And a Fridgafrator is just a dumb ol’ fridge. It sucks. 

Matthew’s always been pretty articulate, and in less than a month, he’ll be officially five which means that soon, I’ll have like no material left for his baby book and it’ll have to be retired. To box myself out of reality for a while, I’ve started writing down all of the ways I catch him still talking like a kid. 


  • If referring to sometime in the future he’ll be very specific:

Hey Mommy, on the one hundredth day, can we also go to a circus? 

  • Having kids is the only prerequisite to manhood.

I can’t drive a car til I’m a dad. 

  • If referring to sometime in the past, he’ll say:

Hey Mommy, one hundred and thirteen weeks ago, did you push me in a stroller too? 

  • If ever talking about the beginning of a movie or a song or a day, he’ll call it the front.

Hey Daddy, this song* is in the front* of the driving-by-itself-cars movie*! 

(Bad to the Bone) (opening sequence) (Maximum Overdrive)

  • If talking about any big number, ever, you bet he’ll be characteristically specific.

Daddy, thirty and one-hundred years ago, little kids didn’t have car seats, so that’s why I don’t think we should have to use them. That’s just not fair. 

  • Also, when talking in big numbers, the little number always comes first.

“Mommy, how much dollars/many money is this?” ($150.00) “We can’t buy this today, Scarlett, it’s fifty and one-hundred dollars.” 

  • When referring to anything remotely ‘adult’– whether it’s parents giving a “hi, honey” kiss on some Disney Channel program or some unexpected dialogue that sends us scrambling for the remote, Matthew calls it “falling in love”.

Close your eyes, Scarlett. These grown-ups are about to seriously fall in love. 

  • When really excited, grammar suddenly becomes entirely too important:


  • He knows that “be’s” is not a word. But watching him try to finish a sentence without using it is priceless.

Mommy! Every time Mary be’s… be… be… be’s… is be… is be’s… be… be… Mommy, every time Mary be… be… SHUT UP, DON’T TELL ME! 



3 thoughts on “Matthewisms and Other Grammar Faux Fas of a Nearly Five Year Old Boy.

  1. Oh, and my last blog post, for some weird reason is seriously acting up so it won’t let me even see the whole comment that you left, inquiring about the blog-book-website-thing. I will post it as soon as I get a minute today!

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